Now I know more than I did this morning

As a singer of heartfelt ballads and tales of lost love, Glen Mediros was overly appreciated and captured the hearts of the planet. However, as a philosopher, Glen Mediros was grossly under-appreciated and overlooked in his own life time. As I stood in the middle of a self-imposed trek through IKEA, scared, bemused, on the verge of a tearful temper tantrum and hopelessly lost, I was reminded of one of his most rapier-like bundles of sagacity. In an interview to promote his 1986 intellectual cornerstone ‘How to look good in white linen and espadrilles’ he espoused the immortal line; “Education is like wasted on the intelligent, ‘cos like they’ve already got loads of it in their heads already, like.”

Glen was with me now as, breathless and panting, wide eyed with elation at having made it through to the Exit and the outside world. I had learned something today. I had increased my intelligence, my knowledge and understanding of my world and I had IKEA to thank for this. A trip to IKEA had forced me to heighten my senses, deepen my thinking and grow my understanding of my world and fellow men.

Today I had learned that:

  1. People who willingly and deliberately wear Jogging bottoms/sweat pants/tracksuits/football shirts and indeed all sporting attire, outside an environment where  some level of sporting activity is taking, or has taken place should be subject to regular doses of high voltage electricty. Outside of this environment it just makes you look as though you have given up on the world and somehow manages to make your arse look even bigger. To note – velour, particularly when worn in the more garish and revolting hues is never acceptable
  2. Going for a 6 mile run does not cure a brain slicing hangover
  3. You should never trust a man who is actively engaged in a discussion about curtains/paint colours/blinds/rugs/cushions. Science has now proven that men cannot have any opinion other than “ ‘sawrightIspose”.
  4. As a result of Points 1, 2 and 3, I may need to see a counsellor.

Thank you IKEA, you have helped me grow.

a worried anti-christ

Bob had just been to IKEA.

2 thoughts on “Now I know more than I did this morning”

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