An economic survey/report by the leading and well respected UK economic think tank; “Cobblaballs Insights”, recently highlighted the potentially devastating impact of the seemingly exponential increase in the number and volume of beards being grown in the UK. Though largely attributable to the male population, “Cobblaballs Insights” were quick to point out that they ran an equal opportunities survey and did not wish to discount the female involvement in this situation.
Beard growth, it would appear is having a devastating impact on the economic outlook of whole swathes of the UK, particularly in Shropshire and Cumbria. The reason being is that these areas are almost entirely dependent on the clean shaven nature of the population for their employment and prosperity. Unemployment has risen by up to 37% in some areas, which has resulted in a rise of 84% in benefit claimants simply walking around town centres aimlessly. To counter this parlous plight, some Local Authorities are running a series of advertising campaigns imploring the good men and women of their areas to shave, shave and shave some more. “Shave for your neighbours, shave for your grandparents, shave for your children, shave for your future” is a particularly hard hitting campaign that has had some tempers flaring.
But this is not the point of this article. What most people will have missed from the article, possibly because of the hard-hitting nature of what they have already read, but possibly through extreme inertia is the opprobrium heaped on one particular group of society.
Like a return to the McCarthy Communist witch hunts, or the Stalinist purges, the article singles out photographers as a particular cause for scorn and revulsion. Photographers, without exception are singled out as the main cause for beard growth and as such, in certain areas, have been blamed, almost entirely for the catastrophe facing local industry. Bans on cameras and photographers have been illegally enforced in some areas, signs bearing the legend “no beards, no cameras, no backpacks” have been seen hanging in local Hotel windows.
Surely this cannot go unchecked. Surely something should be done about. Solidarity is the only way. So say it loud, say it proud “Love my camera, love my beard” and those around the world will surely hear your roar.